


Cool-shoes-guy

by Machetonim



Category: Love Victor (TV 2020)
Genre: Character Study, M/M, because if not this would surpass two thousand words and my brain can't handle that, everyone else is just mentioned, i don't want to call this a, only benji and victor are actually in this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:54:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27564115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Machetonim/pseuds/Machetonim
Summary: I feel good around you. I feel like enough. Like I don't have to constantly try to impress you to keep you interested.You treat me like a human.
Relationships: Benjamin "Benji" Campbell/Derek (Love Victor), Benjamin "Benji" Campbell/Victor Salazar
Comments: 1
Kudos: 20





	Cool-shoes-guy

You know, when I first saw you in the halls, there wasn't any magic - no sparks in the air, no gut-wrenching feeling, no nothing. There was literally nothing special about you.

Well, except for your shoes. Your  _ shoes _ were cool.  _ That _ was my first impression of you.  _ Cool-shoes-guy. _

And you were with Felix. So you didn't care about being popular. Or you were new. (Turns out it was both.)

Now, I want to hold you tight and never let go. Kiss you until I can't breathe.

How did we get here?

I mean, I guess you got cooler over time. Your obsession with Carly Rae Jepson was endearing, actually. Don't get me wrong, it was weird since I was so sure everyone hated her. Or that she was dead. But you could recognize her cultural importance and praised her. Which was cool.

And I liked dancing with you. I never really did that? With Derek, I mean. We used to. But I guess he grew out of it after he went off to college.

Whatever.

I don't really know. I thought you were cool, is what I'm trying to say. I like you, but not as much as you like me. And it was kind of obvious, even before the work trip. You think you're so  _ sneaky, _ huh? But it's okay, you're cute, so I'll let it go.

Did you really think I couldn't tell you were staring when you first came into the coffee shop?

I kind of hoped bringing Derek to your birthday party would make you back off. I didn't want to be rude or hurt your feelings. I don't think I should've come at all. I could've just given you your gift at school. With Derek and how he'd been acting lately, and with  _ you _ \- I shouldn't have given you the cold shoulder like that. Not on your birthday. I know you didn't mean anything hurtful by it. I don't even know why I got mad.

And- and then you kissed me. And I hated you for it. And I hated myself for letting it happen. And not being as mad as I should've been about it. I should've just told you that I knew. I should've confronted you, and it wouldn't have happened.

Because that's what a good boyfriend would do. Even if their boyfriend wasn't good back.

But I'm not. Not to Derek. I never will be, and you know, that's fine.  _ That's fine. _ Because I deserve better than that. I deserve someone that makes me...

Actually, I don't know. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel? We've all seen movies, but they're also usually written by people who haven't seen a teenager in over a decade.

Maybe I was expecting too much from Derek. Who knows? But I feel good around you. I feel like enough. Like I don't have to constantly try to impress you to keep you interested.

You treat me like a human.

And I know some people who'd say that's the bare minimum, but I'm okay. It's enough for me because you look at me like I'm perfect without even trying to be, and that's what I need right now.

So I'm going to try. I'm going to try and be a good boyfriend even when I don't want to be because you deserve it. I promise I'll try my  _ hardest _ because that's what you need. After all, I'm only returning the favor.

If you want to cry because the tension at home is too much. If you need a pep talk before giving Mia an explanation for everything. If you need someone to defend you because if you ever show your face at school ever again, you know Lake is gonna murder you?

I'll be here. A phone call away. Always.

(Most of the time. I need to take care of myself, you know.)

**Author's Note:**

> So. I have a lot of thoughts on this. I'll admit, I almost didn't post this?
> 
> With Victor's, it was short, sweet, nothing to it. It was more focused on the feeling it was supposed to give rather than the actual writing itself. This is a lot more of a psychology thing? More directed on Benji's possible struggles when with Victor because of Derek. He's mentioned a lot because I think his presence would be prevalent, even if indirectly. My impression of Benji during the first half of the show was, "Wow, this guy is such a good boyfriend, and to a total ass, too!" and I really wanted to show that here. I think because of Benji constantly feeling like he's not enough for Derek, he'd try too hard to be perfect for Victor the way he tried to be for Derek and, sometimes, he'd feel like giving up cause Derek under-appreciated that effort. Victor is not Derek, but the mind does you dirty like that. I think Benji would struggle because if he wasn't a good boyfriend to Derek (even though 1. he was and 2. Derek didn't deserve it), why would it be any different when he's with Victor? And although Benji does seem to be coming to terms with the fact that he deserves someone who wants him for him and not what he can be, old habits die hard. Of course, over time Victor will help wash away those doubts since he was head-over-heels for Benji just by the way he drank water, but you know.
> 
> There's a lot more (like the writing style, Benji's view of Victor's character as time went on, etc.), but I'm not going to get into it.
> 
> I also just didn't like this because it was a lot more telling than showing, but whatever. I refuse to rewrite this.


End file.
